sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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