We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
