Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
