hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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