Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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