Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
