I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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