She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
