I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
