butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am one with the molecules
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
