I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
