Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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