white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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