I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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