Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
