Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
