listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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