Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
