Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
