Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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