I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
