A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
