If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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