he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
