Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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