The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
