So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
