yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
