I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
