He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
