I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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