The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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