Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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