Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
