im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
