i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
