One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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