Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Enjoy the penises
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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