I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
