Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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