He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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