well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I bet he comes in French.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
