last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
