It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
