So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
