I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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