foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
