Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
