Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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