I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
