After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
